she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
