i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
