Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
