if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
