dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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