Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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