Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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