I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
