i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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