Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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