The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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