toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
