are you so shy because you have an std?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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