got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
