i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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