So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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