I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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