he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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