I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love you. Go after that dick
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
