I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
