he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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