It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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