people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
