You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
