Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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