does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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