you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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