I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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