Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
