He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This house was built for laser tag.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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