Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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