By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
