Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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