Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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