Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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