You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
