You're completely useless in the revolution.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
