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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account

  (1-216): View more from Ohio

  damn...impressive bar tab

  (216): View more from Ohio

  no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.

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• (949): View more from California

  He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.

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• (518): View more from New York

  It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture

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• (650): View more from California

  That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law

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