o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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