I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize