Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Found the puke drawer
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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