i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize