I am spending my child support on dildos
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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