I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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