Well apparently he's into motor boating.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
