I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Randomize
