Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
