Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
