from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
