I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
