You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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