NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
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'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.