Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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