I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
