i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
