ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
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Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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