He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
