i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
