Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
COCAINE IS GR8
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
