Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
