I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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