1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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