His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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