is your mom at the bar?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
